Cool Kids: Inclusive vs. Exclusive

That's me in the middle.  Sandy, to the left and the cute
 blonde is Kim.  You can thank my grandma for the outfits.

I was a pretty nerdy kid in school.  I had bad clothes, listened to classical and oldies music and raised my hand a lot in class (a lot).  With that said, it should not be at all surprising that I was made fun of a lot (a LOT).  I remember grades 4-8 being the worst of it (although, there was this one girl in 9th grade who was the Mean Girl, as in, I'm pretty sure the movie was based on her).

Growing up I also had really bad hair.  I had weird curly hair that without the right haircut could look pretty bad.  There was a girl in my 7th grade French class who called me "The Hair."  If I went up to the board or stood up to speak, she would say something like "Oh, it's The Hair." Or "Great, The Hair is talking" or would lean over to one of her friends and loudly comment for me to hear.  I never said anything back, but instead would just sit there embarrassed.  (I'm actually a little embarrassed sharing this story right now, and I'm THIRTY.  This was more than half-my-life-ago.)  I have a lot of stories where people, mostly girls, were just awful.  It wasn't just to me, my nerdy friends were treated that way too.  Classes were bad, but being in the hallway was worse.  That's when the name calling really happened.  I remember how desperately I wanted to fit in.  Here I was, this awkward kid, in oversized sweaters (and too short jeans and penny loafers--pennies in), who, more than anything, really wanted to be included (which is probably what every kid wants).

Much of this treatment changed when I began high school, not because kids were suddenly nicer or because I was magically cooler, (I assure you, I was not) but because our high school campus was huge.  With about 1200 students on campus, it was harder to exclude people because so frequently you were in courses where you didn't know anyone.  I was lucky, high school offered me the escape nerdy kids usually find in university.

While I was running this morning a thought occurred to me, one thing I admire about my students here in Azerbaijan, is how extremely inclusive they are with other students.  Although many of them go to different universities and they differ in opinions on things, I have never had a moment in any of my classes, or even before classes started, where I needed to remind a student to treat another student well.  They are big on sharing, a piece of candy, a sandwich, whatever it is, it is always divided to share with all the students.  Even the students that make me crazy, and I do have a few, are treated with respect and inclusiveness.

I don't know what the grade schools are like here, it's possible my experience with my students is the exception and not the rule.  I don't know if grade schools reveal more exclusion and bullying of others.  I would be interested to hear the feedback from my TEFL friends who work in the lower levels.

Where does this treatment of others come from?  Why do young people bully others, and now in the states, in such terrible and awful ways?  The names girls call each other and with such vehemence, I just can't comprehend.  I can't imagine what it would be like to grow up in an age where social media is available during adolescence.  I cringe at the thought of it.  Instead of bullying being isolated to school days, kids are offered no respite.  Turning on a computer at home, students are dealing with online bullying, as if the hallways weren't venue enough.

(In full disclosure, I can remember times in my own life when I wasn't nice enough to someone and it really stays with me.  I try hard though, honestly, to try and be as nice as I can, without my sarcastic self getting in the way.  My friend Matt was probably right and although I usually use it to be funny, it also may be a defense mechanism.)

I grew out of my nerdiness, or rather, I grew into it.  I found my own voice, which is sometimes a little too loud and a little too boisterous.  Sometimes I snort when I laugh (which is actually pretty embarrassing).  I still raise my hand (a lot).  I gobble up novels and literature like the bookie monster.  I no longer sit silent and embarrassed if I'm being made fun of (or if someone else is being made fun of).  I laugh WAY too loud.  My hair is still sometimes a mess.  I love studying and will probably be a lifelong student and I still like oldies and classical music.  Also, I use a hairbrush as a microphone to lip-sync to songs when I'm alone in my apartment.

Instead of trying to fit in, I learned who I am and, more importantly, that I really like me.  I realized how very unimportant other people's opinions of me are as long as I have a few close friends and family members to keep me in check.  I accepted I am not "like everyone else," but most importantly no one is.  We are all different and our differences can often be what makes us great.